


As The Wind Blows

by LittleSweetCheeks



Series: While We Sleep [4]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Dreams, Experiments, Friendship, Gen, Memories, Stubborn Hotch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-23 02:21:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13777635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSweetCheeks/pseuds/LittleSweetCheeks
Summary: Even his dreams were frustrated with him.





	As The Wind Blows

“Dad!” Jack clambered excitedly into the car. “Guess what?”

“What?” Aaron smiled at his son.

“I have to do a science project and if I’m good enough, I get to be in the school’s science fair!”

“Oh, really?” He pulled away from the school.

“Yes! I was thinking about what I want to do. I could make a big solar system that all moves around just like the planets or I could turn on lights using potatoes, or I could shoot off rockets or I could….”

“Jack!” Aaron laughed. “We’ll look for ideas when we get home, okay?”

“Okay.”

“But those sound really good. I’ve never done them, so maybe we’ll learn something together, huh? You could end up knowing more than your old dad?”

Jack shrugged. “Do you think we could call Spencer and ask him to help?”

Aaron nearly drove off the road at his son’s question. They’d been out of protection for over a year, but he still hadn’t reached out to any of his former friends, time making him more and more reluctant. “I don’t know, he still works and might be really busy.”

“But Dad.” Jack stuck his bottom lip out.

He didn’t want to admit he was afraid to contact anyone, afraid of how they would react after all that happened. Drawing in a deep breath, he sighed. “Okay, tell you what. We’ll investigate some ideas tonight and if we can’t find anything we really like, we’ll call.”

“Fine.”

It turned out that Jack was pretty determined to not like any idea Aaron found either in books or online. By the time he went to bed, Aaron was beginning to accept that he was going to have to make a phone call he didn’t really want to make. Crawling into bed, he tried to work out in his mind just what he would say.

==

“Hey you.”

Aaron looked up from his coffee shop cup of coffee and looked across the park. He was sitting at a picnic table, flaking red paint covering most of it. Walking toward him, dressed in khakis and buttoned sweater, was Reid, hair styled like he’d had it some years ago, long and wavy, tucked behind his ears. “How are you here?”

Spencer squinted against the sun as he sat on the other side. “I- Where are we?”

He was surprised he asked, didn’t he have to travel here? “Don’t you know?”

“No.”

He was confused. “Then how did you get here?”

“Um... I walked? I guess?” Getting comfortable, he spotted the pile of stuff on the table between them. “Oh! This stuff looks fun!” He began to dig through it.

Aaron frowned at the pile. “It’s just paper and string and stuff.”

Eyes glittering with excitement, Reid looked up. “Nothing is ever just stuff. Here, look!” He held up some cardboard. “Watch!” He began to draw an odd shape on the board, focused on his task. Once he was done, he rummaged through until he found some children’s scissors.

Hotch watched as the younger man cut the shape out and found some string, tying it to the board. “What is that?”

“A wind gauge!” Spencer answered, delighted. “Look! You hold it flat.” He set the cardboard on the table top and began to slowly turn it. “You turn it until this side is into the wind and the string is blowing along this side over here.” They both watched until the string did as Spencer had said. “So now we know the wind is coming from over there. Now. If we look at the way the string moves, where this end falls along the arc here, we can work out relative velocity. It’s not going to be exact, obviously, but it’s a good start and most of the time you don’t need specifics.” He looked up and saw Aaron just staring at him, a soft smile on his face. “What?”

Aaron shook himself and ducked his head. “I’m sorry. I just… I didn’t realize how much I missed this.”

“This?”

“Listening to you talk about something you’re excited about.”

An odd look passed over Reid’s face. “Really?”

“Yes.” He leaned forward, elbows resting on the table. “Ever since…well, ever since you joined the team I realized that what you had to say was valuable, we just didn’t always have the time to let you arrive at the point on your own. I’m sorry if cutting you off ever hurt you, that was never my intention.”

“It’s- it’s okay. I understood.”

“Really?”

His nod was jerky, and his voice cracked just a bit. “Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “We were always working against the clock and anyway, you never acted like the others sometimes did.”

Aaron didn’t understand. “What did they do?”

Spencer shrugged.

“Reid.”

“They would make comments or roll their eyes when they thought I couldn’t see or hear them.”

He frowned now. “I didn’t know you knew about that.”

“I did.”

Aaron was quite a minute before softly replying. “I’m sorry for that. I should have come down harder on them. They are your friends, they shouldn’t be treating you like that.”

“ _They_ are my friends?”

“What?”

“Your statement implies that you aren’t part of that group.”

“I was your boss, Reid. I couldn’t be your friend too. And then what I did…” A hand landing on his stopped him from continuing.

“You _are_ my friend, Hotch. Sure, maybe not in the beginning, but after a couple years?” He shrugged. “I think we found our sweet spot. And what do you mean, what you did?”

He couldn’t bear to look at Spencer directly as he spoke, so he pulled his hand free and stood so he could walk around. “Leaving. I became another in a long list of people who just abandoned you. Did you know they offered to let me leave you all letters explaining everything?” He paced a few steps and then turned around. “They brought me paper and everything. But I couldn’t do it. I _couldn’t_ sit there and write my justification for walking away and leaving you to deal with the fallout without me.” His voice rose as he spoke. “I’ve played over what I should have written over and over in my head since I left. Now…” He sagged in on himself, arms hanging limp at his sides. “Now I’m too ashamed to reach out. Everyone must hate me.”

“Aaron.” Spencer spoke softly, waiting for the older man to look up. “Tell me.”

“What’s it matter now?”

“Please?”

Aaron just stared at him a minute before letting out a sigh. “I always started with an apology.”

“Why?” His voice was somehow softer still.

“Why?” Aaron’s tone was harsh, stressed. “Why?! Because it was my job to be the strong one, to lead you all into every battle, in facing every opponent and I ran! I hid away and left all of you to fight alone!” He began to pace again. “In the end, I was just a coward, running away from the fight.”

Spencer stood and crossed the grass, stopping Aaron’s movements. “Hey. It was never your job to be the strong one.”

“What?”

“We were stronger together, all of us. On our own, we were nothing, but together? Together we were awesome.” When he saw Aaron not meet his gaze, he gave his shoulders small shake. “Hey. You aren’t a coward. You went out on your own to protect Jack, an innocent who couldn’t protect himself. That’s not weak, that’s not being a coward. The rest of us? We have each other.”

“Then… Then why do I feel so guilty about leaving?”

He stepped back with a sigh. “Why did you feel so guilty when I got kidnapped? You made yourself sick with guilt. Or how about the guilt you felt when you found out about the drugs?” It was his turn to pace. “You washed blood of Elle’s walls for Pete’s sake. We have clean-up companies we call for that, but you had to do it yourself.” He turned back to face his friend. “You were miserable for a month after JJ left and Emily?” He let himself trail off. “Every time one of us got hurt? The time Rossi got in the car wreck when you’d sent him to interview that witness again?” He saw that he might be getting through to him. “We have always worried about you, you know.”

“You worried about me?”

“How much can one man take before he just caves from it all?”

Aaron didn’t know what to say. “I…”

“Look. You aren’t my dad and you aren’t Gideon, or Elle for that matter, who left as well without another word. You didn’t run away from your responsibilities, you ran to protect your son. That’s not even in the same league as them.”

He nodded, feeling tears prick at the corners of his eyes. Before he could open his mouth to speak, he had the feeling of someone gripping him.

==

It took Aaron a moment to realize he was in his bed and it looked to be morning. Jack was standing next to him. “Hey, Jack.” Looking around, he could remember the smell of grass and the feel of warm sun.

“Can we work on my science project now? Can we call Spencer?”

Groaning as his joints worked loose, he sat up. “I have one more idea to try, I think you’ll really like it.”

Jack gave him a skeptical look. “What is it?”

_It was all a dream._ He thought to himself, feeling a bit sad about that. “A wind gauge.”

“What’s that?”

Standing and shuffling out of the room, Aaron answered. “Something that Spencer showed us once in Kansas. We were waiting on some test results and all had gone to the park across the street to eat our lunches.”

Jack listened carefully, his dad rarely spoke of cases or things that happened while on them.

“Emily had commented we could fly kites because of the breeze and he made a wind gauge to figure out the best place to stand to fly them. I’ll help you and we can check different places and see which way the wind is blowing and how hard.”

“That sounds cool.”

“I thought you’d like it.” Aaron smiled. To himself, he wondered if maybe it wasn’t time after all to make a phone call and reach out to his friends. They were undoubtedly still worried about him.


End file.
